Writing in glimpses.
Thank you for teaching me
that the best part of living,
of pushing through trials and errors
and breaking down barriers,
of having valleys and mountains
and moments of pure laughter,
the best part of living through blissful days
after rainy days
and the sleepless nights and the beach sunrises,
or the starlit drives
and the evenings of family dinners
with the hard goodbyes,
the best part about all of this
is I get to keep all of myself
and all of you.
I want to love you more than anything in the whole world–
more than the moon and the stars
over the ocean at night,
or the beautiful mountain-tops streamed in sunlight.
I want to love you more than the flower gardens
and the summer rain,
more than the thrill of travel
and the depth of pain.
I want to love you as high as the sky can reach
and deeper than the earth’s deepest beach,
far beyond the circumference of the world,
and timeless, as this galaxy’s worth.
But sometimes– I don’t love you at all.
And I put off thanking you, for forgiving me.
And sometimes none of my words make sense–
when that’s all I feel I have to offer or pay with.
But the price is so high and my words are so limited.
And I want to give to you,
but there’s nothing I can do or say for this,
because it is Your love alone that can reach me.
It is Your love alone that can keep me.
And if I want to love You
more than anything in the whole world,
I need only Your love.
For You are love itself.
1 John 4:8
Maybe you cleaned up your toys and brushed your teeth,
You put on your jammies, ready for sleep,
And crawled into bed, waiting for mom
To come to your room and sing you a song
To go to sleep.
Her singing is sad and she almost cries
And that scares you, so you too rub your eyes,
Because now it is so that something is wrong
And you wonder how you two will now move along
In your sleep.
But she takes your fingers away from your eye,
She says, “Honey,” and breathes a deep, hopeful sigh,
“Mommy is sad, but you don’t have to be.
You are your own person and that’s the way it should be.”
“Mommy is sad, but that’s just for today,
Tomorrow we’ll wake with a bright, new day.
And how are you feeling? Weren’t you happy before?
Yes! That’s okay. You can be happy more.”
“I believe in you for all that you are,
I don’t want to stop you, it won’t get that far.
You are allowed to think what you do.
It will never upset me, in spite of my mood.”
“So now, close your eyes and drift off to sleep,
Dream your sweet thoughts which are oh so unique.
Know that it’s okay to feel the way you do,
Because no matter what, I will always love you.”
And in all of this.
Through all this photo reel.
Through all the words I wrote
and erased and composed and
poured into.
In all the sleepless nights
and starlit drives
and parking lots
and chance and odds,
there lingers a version so different
than the reality that came to be known.
In all of this
it will be looked for and memorized
through all the rising suns
and dipping moons,
for it will always pain me
to miss you in the noon.
there is a song i have sung
my entire life.
it is the two bookends
for every experience captured in between,
split in the middle
to meet me in every moment of need:
in every high and low
and every misconception,
making every lovely redirection–
it always comes back to singing
You and me.
