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For the Days You Feel Discouraged

In case it is ever forgotten,

I want you to remember how brave you are.

When you were in the thick of your fears

you handled life like a champ and took the narrow way out.

When you were left with threads of loose ends,

you realized no trophy could replace the feeling of grace.

And when you were still left with lingering, unanswered questions,

you didn’t look back in regret, but instead you rose up

with a dedication that was too great to even call your own.

You trusted, and stopped working for your own wants and needs.

You stopped scooping up grains of sand that were

dead ends and ill means and you stood still,

when your very nature was begging for you to be.

If you ever forget, I am here to tell you that you were very brave indeed

for choosing to step into the unknown future.

This will always be the story that I tell of you

whenever you begin to feel confused or weak,

because you took the narrow path with nothing to show for it,

except for a knowledge-surpassing peace.

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Today

I wrote something new

but then ripped it in half,

tried writing again

but I couldn’t go back

to the feeling that lied

on the black and white lies,

the feeling that lied

on my ribcage inside.

 

I wrote something new

but realized it old,

the same words from past years

of rhythm and coldness

and nonsense of

missing and reminiscing

and limbo and fishing

for something new to write.

 

I wrote circles around this,

tried to get past this,

found it awful to carve it down,

carve it outside me.

like dragging old bones

and expecting them to walk,

waiting for time to work

and light to search–

 

And so I stopped writing.

 

To pull away for a moment,

to stop digging and picking

and to let the light grow

was needed.

there was the winter and rest,

the killing snow and rain

for replenishing, healing,

and washing away.

 

So no more empty words,

no more torture of ruminating to

illuminate something in darkness.

there is just today,

with a clean page

and a fresh start

to write with boldness

concerning the truth.

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Florida

Thank you for teaching me

that the best part of living,

of pushing through trials and errors

and breaking down barriers,

of having valleys and mountains

and moments of pure laughter,

 

the best part of living through blissful days

after rainy days

and the sleepless nights and the beach sunrises,

or the starlit drives

and the evenings of family dinners

with the hard goodbyes,

 

the best part about all of this

is I get to keep all of myself

and all of you.